Changes Ahead

I’m going to be making some big life changes. Yes, again. These are different than some of the life changes I’ve had to make in recent years. These changes  I want.

I’m not exactly sure of the what or when, but doors are closing, others are opening. So, it’s an…eventful time.

I keep muttering, “never a dull moment.”

And it got me to thinking that my life has never been dull. I’ve judged myself for this and have been judged. There are those, and even me occasionally, who have thought, why didn’t I just keep that safe job and live in that same city and maybe even stay in that same relationship.

And it’s not the safe and the same I left. I have no problem with safe and same.

But that job was not safe. That same city and that same relationship made me feel insane.

Many of the changes I’ve had to navigate were not caused by me. I played the cards I was dealt.

But other changes I did initiate were not for change itself, but to change my life experience. To leave a job that made me miserable. To live in a city I found beautiful. To be in a relationship that made life better, not worse (even if that meant being alone).

So it’s occurred to me, I think I’ve been confusing stable with consistent.

My life has been consistent. I have consistently told and demanded the truth. Lived big. Shunned insanity. Sought joy and adventure. Relished words. Laughed. Helped others. Nurtured my children. Been open to love. Worked hard. Prayed.

But in all these things, I have moved and changed jobs and relationships. I have had to let people go that– had I held on to them– I would have drowned in the crazy. I’ve had to leave jobs that paid the bills, but made me physically sick. I’ve tried things that I had no idea how it would turn out but I didn’t want to NOT try and regret the missed chance.

And here I am again. Changes ahead. But what won’t change is my desire for truth, love, adventure. A life that I will reach the end and sigh– not with regret– but with satisfaction that I did all I could to make the time here worthwhile.