Changing Views

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This was the view at my old house.

I haven’t written about my divorce or the related emotions in a while, so I thought I’d give a sort of update. It’s still not official and it is striking how final something can feel without any paperwork.

But the paperwork was served this week and I was fine.

And then I wasn’t. I went to lunch and a wonderful friend was there. Her husband recently died. And I just held on to her because I felt so bad for us– both losing husbands. Hers to cancer and heaven.

Mine just lives up the road. But he’s gone. The profound loss is painful.

And then I was fine.

And then I took the dogs for a walk and we ended up passing my old house. And I was struck by how much hope I had when we moved there and how all that is gone now. Crushed like a bug. Crushed to the point you can’t even identify what the bug was.

And it’s not that I don’t get this is part of moving forward and there is an appreciation and relief in that. But it all pokes the red shiny new tender skin were the the scab was. And before that, a wound.

I woke up feeling much better and at peace. Thank God.

So I am figuring out what helps is:

  • Good Friends
  • Admitting my weaknesses.
  • Remembering things change- for better and for worse. And for better again.
  • Keep focused on today. Looking too far ahead bodes for a bad day. So I keep the view closer in.
  • A good night’s sleep.
  • (Optional) Martini with extra olives.
January 2, 2013 069

This is the view I have now.

So, I’m good. And some times I’m not. But, pretty much, I’m good.

 

What helps you when you’re better and then not?