I have a lot of Christian friends. Or so they call themselves. I am not one to call names.
Anyway, if Facebook posts and bumper stickers are any indication, a majority of them seem to believe God is benevolent and has only the best of intentions for our lives. God is Good All the Time. And Then Some! was painted on the wall of a church I used to attend. This is a consistent message of the God-believing types. I’m not making this stuff up.
I call myself a Christian too. And if asked, I will tell you the same thing.
Our God is an awesome God (there’s even a song that says so).
And he is all Good and Light and rainbows. Okay, maybe not the rainbows.
However, what I believe- by my life- how I act- how I feel-
Or if I’m being really honest- not how I feel, but
how I FEAR
is that God is some kind of bus driver that has gone off his meds and is careening madly around blind curves with steep drop offs, laughing maniacally as luggage falls and I’m slammed about.
I have had enough therapy to know where this belief comes from, but with all that therapy, I am not free of this terrible image that somehow the God I have intrusted is asleep at the wheel (or worse).
I have given up therapy (except the occasional booster shot), but I am still working to change this deep down reaction.
When my life seems to be taking unexpected twists and turns –which is just about ALWAYS– blind curves, detours and rock slides no one could see coming, I don’t react with quiet confidence in My Good God.
I grip the rail and mumble, “Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride” (insert bad Bette Davis impersonation here).
I think I am making progress though. Some of the recent plot twists have me glancing heavenward, just wanting to make sure God does have both hands on the wheel and his eye on the road at all times. No texting with St Peter or emails to the Pope. No time to draw Jesus’ face in a pancake.
Still not that humble gracious countenance I’d prefer, but like any great road trip, the best parts are usually along the way and not just the destination.