Let’s Discuss! Secrets vs Discretion

file000162092220So here we are again to talk about something I need some help with. When is it secret-keeping (dark, repressive, toxic, bad mojo) and when are you being discreet (private, appropriate, dignified)?

This works the other way too.

When are you being truthful/honest and when are you blabbing/careless?

Are you good at knowing the line?

I am not.

When I left the home of my parents, I sort of rushed into to not keeping the secrets my mother said were “family business only” anymore and just told IT ALL to anyone who had the misfortune to ask or make eye contact long enough I thought they were asking. It was kind of like opening the flood gates too fast and it all just rushed out.

I am working to be more candid about my emotions. But this is tough. I was at a lunch and shared how I was feeling about being twice divorced and it was a vulnerable moment. Someone responded that it was my fault since I had said “yes”. It was not the right thing to say and I was way too fragile to hear that and brush it off.

It took about three days before that bruise faded.

But I also can keep way too much in. Keep up appearances. Stiff upper lip. Have some dignity for goodness sake.

So how do you know? What are the boundaries? Do you err on one side or the other? If you go too far, how do you undo it? Or can you?

I’ve got fresh ice and the clean glasses. So, I’ll start mixing and you can fill me in.