Out of the Mouths of Babes and Breaking My Heart

So let’s imagine we’re all on a boat, sailing the ocean. I tend to tell my tales when the waters are calm and we can enjoy a glass of wine and relax against the cushion, letting the wind do the work and maybe just my foot on the tiller to keep us from going to far off course.

I used to sail with my Grandpa Smith and we didn’t swap tales when we were trying to keep from running aground as the barge went through taking all our water in the channel, giving us less than a foot of water between us as a boat and us as a tourist attraction. We didn’t swap tales as the wind carried us nearly aloft through Rio Vista, but the bridge tender didn’t hear our horn and raise the bridge so we had to come about and I didn’t have time to switch sides before we heeled severely and water poured in. My Grandpa hollered, “Are you okay?” And I hollered back, “Great. But my butt is getting wet!”

So, all of that is to tell you I am writing this while my butt is wet.

I have some guests visiting. Children. And the life these kids have had. The cards they were dealt, the way their cookies crumbled…

I do not even know what to say.

It makes me cussing mad. And under that, so hurt and heartbroken, I can actually feel the dagger making it hurt to breathe. And every second I am not fully occupied caring and adoring my guests and trying to make sure we have at least pathways through the overflowing of shoes and clothes and legos in the house, I am ready to break down sobbing.

And I swear, if I see one more meme about how we get what we deserve and our lives are all a matter of our own choices and the world owes us nothing…and other bullshit put up by people who have no f-ing clue how few of us get anything close to what we deserve and plenty of other people’s choices make others’ choices irrelevant. Or, worse, till there are no choices left. And call me a socialist, but I think the world does owe those who have been so deeply wronged by the world something.

The biggest problem with that kind of debt, there is nothing that could really make it better.

I did my best with beach days and movies and good food and hugs and kind words. But it’s like blowing on the gib when there is no wind. It doesn’t move the boat forward.