Pets by the Denomination

You know how you’re sitting in your house and some random thought passes through your head and you are grateful no one actually can hear your thoughts or they might call for emergency medical help?

Well, this happens to me and I think, GREAT! I needed a blog post idea.

That said, the other day, I was thinking what denomination of church my pets would be if they went to church. As it is, they do not go to church. My church does have an annual blessing of the animals, but I can not imagine getting through that in tact with my current crew.

I mean, yes, we serve wine with communion—but it’s just a sip and I’d need much more than a sip to #1- think taking my dogs to church is a good idea or #2- survive it.

(Disclaimer: This is all meant in fun so if you’re not sure you can handle this, move along. No hard feelings.)

So, in no particular order, here are the denominations my pets (past and present) would join:


Lady and Digger.

Digger: I think Digger would be some sort of passionate Charismatic. I mean, his level of enthusiasm is rarely seen in the tamer denominations. He runs around licking the air. Clearly, he is connected to the Spirit.  He’s also in your face about everything he does. I’m here! Let me tell you what I know! What do you think?! I love it! I love you! Do you love me! Love! Love! Love! It’s sweet and cute and just too intense. I get it, yes, I love you. Calm the hell down.

Lady: Lady would be Mormon. She is very friendly and family-oriented. She smiles and waves her tail and is genuinely happy unless she is worried about her family (canine and human). But she is also a little uppity and just too sure she is always right. She rarely considers another person’s point of view unless you get really insistent. And as an inclusive sort myself, I hate being dogmatic.

(See what I did there with dogmatic? Couldn’t resist. Sorry, not sorry.)

Avery and Dallas

Dallas: I think Dallas would be Episcopalian. He likes tradition but isn’t a stickler for it. He’s all cat, but not much of a hunter. He’s all cat, but likes the dogs. He’s all cat, but begs for leftovers. He’s the cat-lite like we Episcopalians are Catholic-lite.

Avery: I think Avery was Russian Orthodox. That cat was unflappable. I saw him really upset once and it scared ME. He was not intimidated by anything. And he kept all the other animals in their place. He did not take to change. When I brought Aspen home, he said with his eyes, “I can not believe you did this again.”  This photo (below) is what makes me know Avery would be an Orthodox Christian. Abiding, consistent, and willing to take on the world.

Orthodox priests pray as they stand between pro-European Union activists and police lines in central Kiev, Ukraine, 2014. (Sergei Grits)

Orthodox priests pray as they stand between pro-European Union activists and police lines in central Kiev, Ukraine, 2014. (Sergei Grits)

Aspen: I think Aspen would have been Southern Baptist or a version thereof. She liked boundaries and got quite nervous if things were different. She liked things the same and then every once in a while she’d take off on some random path and I couldn’t figure out what she was thinking. She was quiet, not overly demonstrative, but when she freaked out, it freaked me out too.

Aspen and Paris

Aspen and Paris

Paris: I think Paris was a Methodist. He just got along with everyone. That dog was so affable. Easy. Going. Go over here? Okay. Oh, over there? Okay. Play? Sleep? Ride in the car? Okay. Have a treat? Sure. Even when he stole food from tabletop, I couldn’t get mad.

Stockton: Stockton was a devout Catholic. Not overly showy but quite insistent in his own way and yet, so fun. I’m sure he was a good drinker and would have loved to play bingo. He loved us, but I’m convinced secretly judged us and worried about our eternal souls.GE DIGITAL CAMERA





Now, the rabbits. Well, I think the rabbits were heathens.