So That’s That

Remember when I shared I’d fallen in love again?

Well, it’s over. Not all the love- it always takes longer for the actual love to be over. But that relationship is over. It hurt, but it was the right decision. I don’t think this means I wasn’t in love, it just means life is complicated and not all love is the happily ever after kind.

Meh. What crap. Honestly, I don’t know what to say.

It’s still pretty fresh so this post is a really bad idea. It could only be worse if I was writing it after two martinis…But I’m writing under the influence of only caffeine, so it’s safe.

I didn’t even know what to title this post. Here were some early thoughts:

Then. Now. Always. Well, Maybe Not Always…

Not What I Expected…

Coulda’ Woulda’ Shoulda’…

What Do I Do With All the Stuff…

I Should’ve Listened to Jef…

Let’s Call It a Rebound…

All That’s Remains is the Search History…

Mistakes Were Made…

I Wish I’d Handled that Differently…

I Wish He’d Handled that Differently…

Harder Than It Looks…

Go In Peace…

What Comes Next…

You know what I’d love to do right now? Tell everything. Just regurgitate it here all over the place. I mean, since I have no insightful perspective to offer, the least I could do is spill the gory details, right? And then you could give me the insightful perspective instead… Guuurrlllll, have I got a story for you! Let me tell you every bit of it… 

Just kidding.

It just is what it is and we both messed up and it stopped working. A lot of my answers right now end up with “I don’t know” anyway.  Except for the ones that end with “I knew it.”

So, no, I’m not going into any details. And I can’t give you the “lessons learned” post because I’m still not sure what they all are.

I will say I definitely learned a lot. And good stuff too. I learned that I can love again because, let me tell you, after my divorce I seriously thought that part of me was broken beyond repair. Turns out, nope, not broken. I also learned that I am much more sure of what I know to be true and what works for me (and doesn’t). I learned I can be right, wrong, strong, vulnerable. It’s allowed. That’s new.

I also got a TON of material for a new novel. Is that mean? Hm…like Anne LaMott said, if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. And if I’m going to go through a break up, I ought to get something out of it.

Plus, in my novel, I can give the story a happier ending…

or kill him off…

So how am I? I’m all the things. I do need to figure out how to clear the search history though. Online ads for things and places that were about a “we” that no longer exist are not helpful.

So, that’s that.