The Meanest Thing I Said

I said something during the breaking up part of this last relationship that I keep regretting. There’s always those things you say, that with some time and perspective, you think, “ouch, why did I say that?” Some hard things have to be said; a relationship is ending, it’s hard. So hard words, well, It’s the way life goes. I’m a direct person. That’s not always easy to hear. And while there were a few mean things that’d I’d like to retract, the words I regret the most?

Have a nice life.

I said it in that dismissive way. Have a nice life. Whatever. Imagine a little wave of the hand, half wave, half get out of the way.

It’s not what I meant at all.  I don’t know where it comes from because in my most true-self moments, I do not wish him — or anyone– a nice life.

I wish him bold and fun. I wish him a big life. I wish him an adventurous and passionate life.

Full of laughter. Full of family. Play. Work. Community. Full of travels. Full of new. Full of friends. Fireworks.

Full of God. Truth. Honor. Generosity. Success. Love. Joy.

A life that challenges him to be better. Do better.

I wish him a life that is not boring. Not even particularly easy. Because nothing great is easy. No, don’t have a nice life.

Don’t settle for nice.

Because I’m not.