What Changed (aka Giving up the Should)

I’m on speaking terms with more relatives than ever before. This is quite a thing.

I was thinking about this and pondering what it was that’s different.

And I think I gave up the “should”.

They should have done this…

They shouldn’t have done that…

Now, here’s part of thing: I was right.

They should have done this.

They shouldn’t have done that.

But I just gave it up.

Much in the way I gave up on the saucepan.  I burned the rice. I burned it so bad that I didn’t even know rice could do that. I burned it to the point that all we could really be thankful for was that the house didn’t ignite. Looking into that pot looked like looking into hell. Black, scarred. A black so black. Terrible.

I soaked, I scrubbed and finally, I just threw it out. I could have kept at it. I could have eventually got it clean, but it was so much work. And I figured my time and effort was at least worth the price of a new sauce pan. My energy has value (see where I’m going?).

So there I was with my shoulds and shouldn’ts and I just figured it was a lot of effort. And I gave it up.

This worked to make my relationships with some folks I had missed so much easier.

Years ago I found this small ad in the paper for a meditation group and the Paul, leader, taught me so much. He once asked me, “Could you find it possible to know you are right and they are wrong and be with them anyway? Love them anyway?”

And I could. I could find it possible. I believe in possibilities more than I believe in “should”.

And that is what changed.