What I Miss

As I ready myself to leave California and build a life in Texas…As I ready farewells and process all that has led me here and understand where “here” even is, I find myself in times of missing.

I miss the redwood trees. I miss waking up to beauty every single day. All weather, all temperatures, it was beautiful right outside my window. And a relatively short drive away was a the beach.

I miss being happily married. In the packing process, I went through pictures and memorabilia that somehow escaped The Divorce Purge several years ago. I found a card from my former stepson congratulating his dad on marrying me. Thanking me for being in his life. Wishing us many more years. We wouldn’t end up with “many more” and my stepson no longer speaks to me.

I miss my daughter. When I lived in Stockton last, I lived here with my daughter. I remember the parks we went to. Our favorite places to eat. The neighbors we had. The fun we had. She lives out of state and is an amazing adult.

I’m not dwelling on the losses. I am acknowledging they’re there. The life I thought I’d have among my beloved redwood trees with a husband and all my children close is gone.

I’m excited for what comes next. The views in Texas are beautiful in a completely different way. I’ll fall in love again. I’ve raised a great daughter and have plenty of raising left with my son. God has an amazing way of creating a viable detour when life veers off the paved road,

And I just got a new set of tires, so let’s go.