So… How do you know when to offer grace– “we all make mistakes” and “we’re all human” and “I’ve felt that too” and “people can change” and “benefit of the doubt?”
And when do you decide the twist in your gut and know “enough is enough” and “believe people when they tell you who you are– the first time” and “you know what you know” and “once bitten, twice shy?”
I’m decisive which can make me insightful AND judgmental. So I usually lead with the second (gut) but then feel bad and go to the first (grace).
i’ve made my share of mistakes and appreciate the times people have given me grace. I want to give that to others, but I’m also flippin’ tired of feeling like something is not quite right, but then over-ruling that feeling because someone has convinced me I’m being harsh and unforgiving.
But I also have been burned. Badly.
Maya Angelou is the one who said “Believe people when they show you who they are- the first time.” That first time seems to be the kicker. I seem to need a third time before I truly believe.
Any tricks you know for knowing the difference between playing nice and getting played?
It’s possible to extend grace and forgiveness without putting yourself in harm’s way. To forgive is not the same thing as to give the other person another chance to hurt you.
I tend to operate in the opposite way from you—I start with grace and end with gut. But if the other person doesn’t show genuine repentance—the kind that leads to an actual change in behavior—it’s time to forgive from a distance and get yourself out of harm’s way.
I like that a lot, Katherine. Extending grace without putting ourselves in harm’s way… this leads to another question. How do you know if the behavior change is authentic? Never-ending questions…
I thought I’d share our feelings.
I have been ill for the past year with a relentless disease. Poor Ben had had to help me with many things I normally do for us. He has been a very understanding & loving husband.
Our sadness & stress comes from monthly letters we are receiving from the credit union in Stockton. It stems from a debt owed for mom (June Schroeder’s) death. Ben has done a lot as the person in charge of all of it, & we have paid out far more than we should have. He had asked his siblings for the remainder owed, though one of his siblings decided to buy a car with the insurance money from mom instead. The other 2 siblings just don’t acknowledge it. Talking about being taken advantage of – and by family members?!! I find that disgusting!
No more being taken advantage of. Ben will be talking to sibling & probably her daughter regarding this debt owed.
Ben & I are NOT responsible for this remaining debt! Repeat NOT!!
Charise, sorry I used your post for this, but thought this issue needs to be resolved, & quickly. Ben will be in touch with them!!