March 14

I posted about the weird suspended reality of March 7. Another date that stands out starkly on the calendar is March 14. It’s the day my first marriage ended. Though, now I’d say most relationships end sooner than that last day you’re together.

In honor of lessons learned and the life-altering events experienced on this day, I share the following resources:

Warning signs of an abusive mate:

https://chicago.suntimes.com/lifestyles/dear-abby-15-warning-signs-your-mate-will-be-abusive/

Please note that abuse escalates. It escalates the way substance addiction does. I thought the extreme jealousy/possessiveness was a sign of affection. I believed the times he “accidentally” pushed me were unintentional. But it wasn’t affection or accidental. It was the red flags being whipped to shreds by the winds blowing in that relationship.

What got me out? On March 14, it was a call to 911. He pulled the phone out of the wall but the dispatcher sent the deputies anyway. But the moment I really got out was when I was crouched in the hallway barring his entrance to our daughter’s room and I had this crystal clear thought in the middle of utter chaos: I am teaching her how to allow herself to be treated. I’m showing her what is okay.

I couldn’t get out for myself, but realizing what I was modeling for the woman I was raising (she was only 6 months old then), is when I knew. That is what got me out.

Here is the link for the  Domestic Violence hotline: http://www.thehotline.org

Many counties or cities will have local resources that can help you and your children. The local women’s center where we lived, helped me with the legal papers.

If your abuser can access your computer or phone, DO NOT click on these links. Use a different computer or ask a trusted person to contact help for you.

Take care.