The Funny Side of Divorce… well, first off I don’t mean funny “haha”, but funny as in odd and can you flippin’ believe that?
But there is also truth in the saying
If you don’t laugh, you’ll drink.
What– That’s not a saying? That should totally be a saying.
Since splitting up, the main focus has been on breathing and blinking and things like that. But there have been some interesting side notes.
Things people say or assume that I find weird, slightly crazy, wrong or yes, even funny:
That I am ready, willing, and able to date. I don’t even know where to begin with this. I mean, it’s like suggesting we go to the mushroom festival. Why on earth would I do such a thing? I know there will come a time (not to attend the mushroom festival, that is never gonna’ happen). Dating is a-ways out there. So far, it is still outside my current field of vision.
Right, but you do…
That I hate my ex. There are things I hate. Other things I just find sad or painful. But some of the trash-talking I’ve run into has been surprising. I don’t want to bash him. I just can’t be married to him. Of course that’s not it, but I don’t want to use my energy on being mean. I have needed to vent, but I try to keep it from becoming a whole hate-fest. I wish him the best. I want the best for him because he’s going to be helping parent our son.
Okay, maybe not hate, but certainly…
That the marriage was a mistake from the beginning. We were married over 10 years. There was plenty good. And I’m not going to disregard all that. Of course there were problems. We are getting divorced after all, but getting married wasn’t a mistake. And I didn’t stay married all those years because I was miserable.
Well, then, maybe it’s…
That my decision is due to hormones. Why people assume this is PMS, menopause, or some other hormonal fluctuation, I have no idea . But, END A MARRIAGE??? I may eat two candy bars in one day because of hormones or maniacally scrub the bathtub because of hormones, I don’t get divorced. I do think it’s why my fingernails are breaking so easily.
So maybe it’s…
That this is a whim. I’m not really good at spontaneity. I can be– if we schedule it. I have never ever been accused of not thinking something through. Even decisions that look rash, rarely are. I’m more the paralysis of analysis type. So when people question my thought process on this, I’m thinking they must not know me.
Which brings me to…
That I want to discuss the details with strangers. It is shocking how many people who are really no more than acquaintances have felt comfortable asking about the details. People who I have no meaningful relationship with, but assume I am going to spill my guts. Even blogging here, I am keeping it pretty high level and trying to post what (I think) are emotions rather universal to the process of grief and profound life change.
If it wasn’t my life, it would be a lot funnier. But even as my life, there are some funny parts. And, as a writer, it’s all fodder for the novels. So I’ll just keep taking notes…
Since I’ve known you since you were fifteen years old, I can vouch for the fact that you do not make big decisions on a whim. In fact, you do not make most small decisions on a whim. Should you have another martini or piece of dark chocolate? Well, in that instance, you are more whimsical in your choices.
Thanks, Jef. It might of been you who called me the Mother Hen in high school because I worried so much about anything we might get in trouble with. Thanks for reading and vouching! 🙂