Trusting in 2017

2017.

I am always ready for New Year’s. Because I love it. And because I’m usually experiencing some battle fatigue from the preceding year. This time ’round, I felt that fatigue more acutely than usual.

Thirty years ago I worked for a retirement home and at New Year’s, one of the older men wore a toga (white bath sheet) and carried a staff,  then we “borrowed” a baby to walk through a balloon arch in a diaper…I had to ask my boss to explain this and caught onto the imagery of a weary year making way for the brand new year.

Twenty sixteen was definitely weary. When I switched out the calendars, the sigh was deep. I think the calendar itself sighed in relief.

And now 2017 is here with its brand new baby squalls and smiles.

An emotion we don’t equate with babies very often, but I felt strongly with my two, is FEAR. I remember with Gorgeous Gal wondering how on earth anyone at the hospital thought they should be sending me home with this baby. A real live baby? How was this allowed? What if I didn’t hear her cry at night? What if she wouldn’t eat? What if I dropped her?

Then there’s the fear of messing up. Fear of providing for them emotionally and financially. Save for their college. Save for their therapy.

Fear of what others will do. And as they grow, fear of what they will do. Will they make the right choices? Will it all work out for them? And will we be on speaking terms?

So much love and joy. But fear too.

And that brings me back to 2017. The theme for this coming year presented itself weeks ago and has continued to resonate.

Trust.

It’s the only way to combat the fear with those babies. Trust I will do my best and it will be enough. Trust my babies will turn out all right. Trust there is enough good (and good people) in the world. Trust God to protect and guide us all. Trust myself to listen to that guidance, rest in that protection.

And that’s why Trust is my theme for 2017.

Plans and hopes I had for 2017 ended on 12/31/16 (gotta’ admire the timing of that). I trusted those plans to come to pass- trusted God’s lead in making them in the first place. Trusted I was making the right decisions. Trusted the signs, trusted my gut and my heart. And it changed.

And yet, this coming year is still all about trust. Those plans are over. But I trust in new plans to be made. I may even be able to trust that with no plan, it’s all going to be all right. New opportunities. I trust in the lessons I’ve learned. I trust in the kind of life I want to happen- even if the details continue to change. I trust in the midst of confusion and doubt. Even if I can’t see it. I will trust in a big God to be there even still. I trust this as I parent. As I love. As I work. As I write.

I trust this as I AM. As I BE.

As my heart beats, I trust.

Even down to the election results: I trust in a country that has withstood so many other challenges and trust our system to work as we head into a presidency that we can all agree will be unlike any other.

It’s like riding the roller coaster. I trust the safety belt. I trust the track. I trust I will enjoy the ride. And even if it makes me sick, I’ll survive it.

 

Because I have before.

Welcome 2017.