What HGTV Doesn’t Tell You

Since moving to Texas, I’ve been working on a few things. And one big thing has been the house. I love this house. I looked at a lot of houses and this one had the character, the location, and overall feel I wanted in a home for Little Sir and I.

But it wasn’t perfect. The best description is it was “Grandma’s House”. Well, maybe great-grandma’s house. Well-loved, but built in 1955 and last updated in the 60s. A few things had been done in the 80s, but I don’t say that as a good thing. And then there was the smell. One word: cats.

This isn’t my first rodeo with home improvement. In all the projects I’ve done on this house and others, I’ve learned a lot. One is HGTV and its compatriots can not be wholly trusted. They’re fine for inspiration, but, like political news, I do my own research to verify. These are the things HGTV, and its equally deceptive counterpart Pinterest, neglect to tell you:

1. The end justifies the means. I know that sounds bad, but it’s true. If you get it done and it looks good and you didn’t cause anything dangerous (don’t mix electricity and water!), then who cares if it took you three days instead of one? Who cares if you ruin your nails so bad the manicurist almost gives up? Who cares if it took 37 trips to the store because you ran out of paint and forgot brushes while you were there and so on. Which leads me to…
2. Buy more paint. No matter how small the area, buy the gallon. The people measuring how much paint it will take for a ceiling are the same people saying a 1/2 cup is a serving of ice cream. Get real, people. Like ice cream, just get more. You’ll need it (the paint and ice cream). Plus, you won’t have to stop mid-project to run out for another gallon.

   

3. Buy this edger thingy. Someone on Facebook recommended this thing and I can not overstate how much easier it made painting. And that’s not just the fumes talking. But it’s still painting, so next up…
4. Accept the mess. No matter if you have that thingy, you will get paint on yourself. Do not shower and put on good clothes and think you can just do one quick touch-up and get out unscathed. Because you just might end up with navy blue paint on one of your favorite shirts. Allegedly. And it’s not just painting that’s messy. Tearing out carpet from 1962? Just grit your teeth (to keep your mouth closed) and don’t think about what kind of germs and microbes are living in that stuff. Removing popcorn ceilings? That is a level of mess I was completely unprepared for and there is just no avoiding it. That stuff will be everywhere. And it will take more than one shower or you may find yourself pulling plaster crumbs from your ear in the grocery store. Hypothetically.
5. Cover your hair, but not your feet. Paint in your hair isn’t easy to get out. And it seems to hide until someone else is looking at you. I eventually covered my hair and all I have to say is, duh. Oh, and use conditioner to comb it out, not shampoo like most of the internet says. Just cover your hair, but not your feet. The surest way to know you did (or did not) step in paint and avoid tracking it into other rooms is to paint barefoot. I put a towel at each doorway to wipe my feet on before exiting. If you don’t think you’ll step in paint, see #4.
6. It’s going to take longer, even without commercials. This continues to surprise me. I think having read so many blog posts (Pinterest) and watched so much HGTV (and before that, Trading Spaces on TLC), my sense of how long a project will take is way off. I thought it’d take me a day to paint the hall bathroom. It took me 3– and I still need to go back over the trim. Those shows may have commercials, but they don’t account for day jobs, picking kids up from school, and my general dislike of painting.
7. It’s going to cost more too. If you’re budget is squeaky tight, wait. There will be additional expenses and if it’s going to stress you out, just wait a bit. I caused myself way more stress than necessary by having a way-too-tight budget for the kitchen redo. It ended up fine, but I should have done a better job number-crunching.
8. You know more than you think you do. I originally called this something else, but it was kind of chauvinistic so I changed it. But most of the pros I have dealt with in my years of home improvement projects (dating back decades before my current house) are male and often I felt a sort of deference to what they knew (i.e., more than me). But more

   

   times than I have space to write about, I have had the solution or at least really good questions that prevented a mistake or cost overrun. That kitchen project? Had I deferred to the pros, it would have been ten times the cost. Actually, I probably would have moved. And I have done a lot of projects myself. I do like pros for electricity, because that going awry is the stuff of 911 episodes. An added bonus to DIY is the look on certain people’s faces when they find out you did it YOURSELF. It is VERY satisfying. Except the look on the manicurist’s face. That made me feel a little bad (for him). Also, for free advice? Youtube is muy fahb-ulouso. Also there are some really knowledgable people at Home Depot. Speaking of Home Depot…

9. Home Depot can be good for your ego. There are a lot more men than women in Home Depot. This creates a certain… atmosphere. On more than one occasion I got flirted with, and, not gonna’ lie, that does wonders for a girl’s ego. Nothing gross, just the flattering kind. It makes the 37th trip to buy more paint a little easier (see #1 and #2 and #6 and #7). But only if you go after showering (see #4).
10. Plan long term. Okay, this is serious. Be choosy about your projects because they have this way of multiplying. Or expanding. For example, the next room I want to tackle is the sun porch. Well, I also want French doors leading out to that porch. But on the wall where the doors will go, I want to put in a gas fireplace and then I want to change the entry on a closet to have a pantry… and now it’s much bigger than some doors. So that’s on hold.

In conclusion, take your inspiration from HGTV and Pinterest with caution. I’d also recommend having a good budget for the incidentals that are necessary but not part of the project budget. Things like the martinis, fast food because you can’t face cooking after a day of painting, Advil, ice cream, and an extra big tip for the manicurist.