What If This Is As Good As It Gets?

Did you see that movie?

I think that person in the waiting room who kind of moans when Jack Nicholson delivers the line, “What if this is as good as it gets?” deserves an Oscar.

And I have days where that question would evoke a similar sound. A sort of guttural reaction to the horror of being THERE. DONE. THIS IS IT.

And I don’t mean that in a good way.

But, today I was thinking What If This Is As Good As It Gets?

This came from some angst I was sharing with DH last night about my career and our home. It is on the tails of the house we were going to buy falling through. And while I did handle it better than I could have, when that news rolled up into some other news, I was pretty deflated. I asked DH, “What am I supposed to be doing with my life?”

And he said, “Maybe you’re doing it.”

And this morning, I continued to think about that. What if this is it?

The house we live in: It provides shelter, lovely views of the redwoods in the front yard, and is not without its charms. I lived in basically a woodshed in Costa Rica (bats flew through and I won’t even start on the bugs). Yes, I want a different house, but you know, this is pretty good.

My career: I have done some cool stuff in my professional career. I’m not going to list my resume, but really, good stuff that made a difference in people’s lives and, at least some of the time, way fun. Right now, my job is to raise Little Sir and write.  Little Sir is fabulous. I know all Mothers say that, but I am not making that up. He really is. When I sit down to write, I can feel everything in me zero in to make that story come out.  If this is it, and for today it is, well, okay.

Our family life: this rolls into DH, the house, the other kids, extended family, the pets, all the rest of it. And if how it is now, is how it is. It’s a lot and busy and tiring and we don’t have enough time and I’d like more money too and I wish the older kids were closer and … I’m a planner, a goal setter.

And probably always will be. But even I can recognize that if this is as good as it gets? That is pretty damn good.