I’m Thankful It Began…and Ended

 

*This is part of my Grateful November series. Gratitude is powerful. It is #2 to love I think. But what about the downers, how do you find gratitude in the hard things? That’s what my posts will focus on.

Well, today is my wedding anniversary. That’s weird isn’t it? I’ve been separated for over a year and the finalization of the divorce is imminent, but this day is my anniversary and somehow I feel I should still get flowers and dinner out.

Maybe I will (I’ll buy my own.).

Some have revised history to say all the years were a mistake. I was never this or never that. There was always something…

The problem with never and always is they are so rarely accurate.

I’m thankful for the years I had with my husband. I was very sorry to see them end. And still am sad about that, but given how they were going…I am also thankful.

And that gratitude came hard. It has taken a long time.

I have never really believed you should stay married NO MATTER WHAT. I know that isn’t very Christian-sounding and I absolutely took my vows seriously. In fact, looking back, I think overstayed and overlooked. But I do not believe in NO MATTER WHAT. I never wanted to be one of those couples that can’t stand to be together. That are divorced in every way, but for the tax filing. The couple no one wants to have over because it is so awkward. I know those people and it’s painful.

And we were becoming that couple. For the longest time, I believed it would change. More time. More help. More faith. We’d get back to what we had been.

But we didn’t.

And now, we aren’t.

And so I’m thankful for what we were because it gave me some beautiful moments.

I mean.   Beautiful.

The stuff of Hallmark. I didn’t get the happily ever after, but I did get a lot of happily.

And I’m thankful it was over before those memories became so tarnished, I couldn’t appreciate them anymore. That it ended before I turn on him to now say he was never this or always that… I’m grateful for the love we once had.

And I’m thankful for the peace I have now.