Reconciled: One Year Later, Version 2

I write blog posts in advance.

In anticipation of the one year mark of our reconciliation, I had written a post.

I re-read it as I began this one and it was really decent. Real. Funny. Honest. Romantic. Happy Ending.

But it is not this post.

Our marriage is over. And it is devastating. For me. For him. For Little Sir. And for others too, but I have to keep the list short or it is just too much to bear.

It is also devastating because I thought we had a Miracle. How can this be happening if we had a real genuine miracle?

But there are some miracles in the Bible that suggest it’s possible to have a REAL miracle and still have things not work out perfectly. Water to wine? The wedding still ended at some point. Someone still had to wash the dishes, sweep up the debris.  The person who didn’t order enough wine in the first place probably got an ear-full.

The Jews escaping Pharaoh walked through the parted sea and still wandered for 40 years before they got to the Promised Land. And it’s not been a walk in the park for them since either.

Peter walked on the water and then sank.

It’s not to say the miracles aren’t real. It’s that they happen in the swiftly moving current of time. And time does not stand still. It is forever impacted by the miracle, but as time and life and free will and all of it unfolds, things change. The story isn’t over with the miracle.

The story goes on.

This isn’t in the Bible, but what I take away from these other circumstances happening- even with the miracle- is this:

Shit happens.

Life happens.

People make choices.

And then more shit happens.

Not as poetic as the Bible, but real. And for me, true.

But (and this is in the Bible) we are not alone.

God is with us.

So, here I am. One year later.

I still believe we had a miracle. I am glad for the year. I am not happy now. I do not like upheaval and pain and it’s all kinda sad. I am taking some time to regroup. Gather my wits. Heal my wounds. Figure out the rest of my life.  Just kidding, I am only trying to figure out today, tomorrow and perhaps the weekend.

You know, amidst writing and parenting and vacuuming dog hair.

To borrow Peter’s miracle for my purposes:

I am glad for the walk on the water and–yes–

quite pissed about the sinking part.

The water was colder than I expected.

But I am glad for the ability to swim and

knowing the way to shore.